 |
| The bane of my existence today |
I 100% understand the sentiment, buddy. As a matter of fact, I brought him in bed with me while I am pumping right now so we could commiserate together.
I love that my body is providing nourishment for 3 babies and am so grateful and thankful that I'm producing enough milk so that we're solely relying on breast milk for the boys. Unfortunately that doesn't always make me feel warm and mushy about pumping. I wish we could just have nursing sessions like a "normal" mother/baby relationship where I could nurse them all on demand and never have to worry about losing my milk supply. But with triplets, that's just not the case. For one thing, there's not enough time to nurse all three of them at each feeding session. I would be nursing around the clock if that were the case. And that's not a healthy alternative, either. But the reality is, even if I nurse the boys, I still need to pump afterward to make sure my body knows to keep producing milk, so nursing isn't saving me from the dreaded machine.
There's a lot of fear in this whole sole-provider-of-nourishment thing. I'm petrified of missing a pump session, or going too long between sessions and having my milk supply diminish. I have already dropped from 8 to 6 pump sessions a day as the boys have increased the time they go between feeds and so I worry about what skipping a pumping session would do to my supply. Not that I could skip a session even if I wanted to- my body certainly sends signals that won't allow me to make it too long before needing to hook up to the pump.
Most days I can tolerate it and understand that pumping comes with the territory when you're raising triplets. Today, though, is not one of those days.
4 comments:
You're totally allowed to have a shit day every once in a while. Hang in there, mama. You're still a rockstar [the flailing and screaming probably help :)]
I feel for you! I hated pumping for one when Gracie was little, so I can't imagine doing it all day, every day for three! I remember one lunch hour in particular when the sight of my breast pump brought me to tears too. It had been such a crappy morning with my students and FULL of nonstop struggle. I dropped my students off to lunch and had a thirteen minute window of kid free time as my only chance to pump until they went home three hours later. ALL I wanted to do was go sit with my coworkers and be around adults for five minutes, but instead I had to go lock myself in my classroom and hook up to that %*kk*(@& machine. I pumped and had a little cry session. It is still, obviously, such a vivid memory for me. That day I HATED that machine.
Hang in there, but know that you can complain anytime you want/need to. We are all impressed by you, Supermom!
Whenever you are feeling down, just look at your three little plump boys and recall how little and helpless they looked in the NICU. Then pat yourself on the back three times because you are solely responsible for their growth! Your body manufactures all the food required for three growing boys!!! It is pretty incredible when you think about it. All the time and preparation this takes is a huge sacrifice for you right now (and will never be fully appreciated...), but soon it will be just a memory. Remember the (nearly) nine loooonnng months you carried them? That time seemed like it would never end, but it did. And the heartburn and swelling and morning sickness are all starting to fade into the joy you get when you look at them. So it will with the milking machine. This phase doesn't last forever. It just seems like it right now. Enjoy this time that they are fully dependent on you. You blink and it is gone. (Then it is replaced by crying over spilt milk...but you can worry about that tomorrow.)
Exactly what your mom said!!! And please, please share your moments. We all have them-lots of them- and you're allowed all of them times 3!!!!
Hang in there! XOXO
Post a Comment